I’ve returned to my teaching placement in further education this week.
I’ll admit, I’ve felt quite apprehensive about this because I find teaching scary. As I’ve worked as an Assessor and have some teaching experience, people have asked me, why I chose to go to university to complete a teaching qualification when I could have went straight into a job and trained whilst teaching hands on. I know I could have done it this way but the truth is I was worried about teaching. I want to be a good teacher and I didn’t have confidence in my own abilities just to walk in and begin. Sure, I know my subject, English but now I’m used to English at MA level. I felt I needed to ease myself into teaching lower-level qualifications.
Sometimes, I go through life feeling like I’m just winging it. I’m tired of feeling that way; I want to be good at something. To me, teaching is so important because a good teacher can impact a person’s life and education is really important to me. Due to personal reasons I left school with no GCSEs. I hated English literature and since returning to education a little over 6 years ago, I’ve found that with the right teacher, I actually love it.
Before the Christmas break, I had three weeks to settle into my teaching placement. I’ve now taken three weeks off. I was so anxious about heading back because of the break. I’ve just started and then I’ve had such a long break. I was scared, this was such a daunting prospect. Over the Christmas break, I’ve actually questioned if I want to be a teacher or not because of how anxious I’ve felt about returning. I know in my heart that I want to teach, I just need to find the right job (after my course) and settle in. I wanted to actually teach in a University but I need to complete a PhD first and this will be very expensive so things are a little up-in-the-air in relation to whether I will progress that far due to funds. I have written to some universities with my ideas and do have some interest which sounds hopeful.
I think that I feel so anxious about teaching because of the need I feel to be a good teacher. Surely, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? I also imagined that I would be teaching those who wanted to be taught in further education, but with some people being forced to keep studying at GCSE or Functional Skills if they haven’t achieved a grade C makes teaching English difficult in some cases. Don’t get me wrong, English is a very important skill so I’m not saying that this is a bad idea as such, it’s just when a student has no intention of ever learning or achieving in English, you can’t make them and it just disrupts the whole class and those who want to learn. Teaching GCSE and Functional skills to under 18s is very much like teaching in school, and it’s very challenging. This is why I need to build my confidence in teaching because behaviour management is an area that I need to address and develop. When a student leaves school and starts college, they feel that they are more adult and hate being told what to do and this can make teaching even more difficult. You also have students that differ widely in ability from those who are so close to getting a C to those that are F and G grades so teaching and covering everything in under a year is very challenging. Hopefully, if I keep gaining my experience and guidance, I will become a confident and able teacher. I think I have to remember that I am also learning because I’m learning to teach and the topics I am teaching are things that I haven’t done myself for such a long time.
So yes I feel scared!
This is my first week back and I feel like I’m starting again, from scratch!
I’m assuming that this is normal – what do you think? Are you a teacher? Or is there anything you have done that you feel scared about? Do you think it’s normal for me to feel scared/anxious?
Do you think it’s normal for me to feel scared/anxious?